You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
