Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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