marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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