so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
