its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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