and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
