Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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