what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
