I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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