genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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