Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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