I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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