do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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