According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
