I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
