Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
