Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
