I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
