i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
