you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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