quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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