Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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