Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
