turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
