Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
