I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
