I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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