1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
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