I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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