Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
