Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
