I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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