My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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