dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
