Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
