I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
