You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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