just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
