One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
