are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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