ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
