Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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