we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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