well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
