just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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