i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
