remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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