New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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