Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it's like iHOP with fire
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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