So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
