I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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