Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
